Mother’s Day, the one day of the year devoted to us, MOTHERS. So what do us mothers really want?
It’s honestly not the sun moon and stars, we, ve gone past the stage of having “notions” (wiping numerous asses and snotty noses all day every day will do that to you) so here’s a little rundown of what we really want (really really want) this Mothers Day.
Sleep is gold dust, it’s the highest form of currency in “mother land” look at us, we are fecking wrecked! we walk into rooms and forget why we are there in the first place. Where’s our keys? where’s our purse? We are so busy finding everyone else’s crap , we are constantly losing our own. We are tired, Please just let us sleep.
We don’t really want a day of pampering or a seaweed bath. It’s the little things, like having a pee or crap alone! We just want to lock the bathroom door and do our business, with no little eyes watching, waiting and asking “did you do, a wee or a poo mammy?”
Ok I know this is pretty much an impossible task. I’ve been trying to empty it for years. So here’s an idea, just throw the whole basket out and buy a new one. I couldn’t even guess what’s in the bottom of my washing basket, so no-one is going to miss it!
Why can’t I answer the phone without world war three breaking out? The bathroom is the only quite phone zone . Sure while I’m there I might as well have cheeky pee, (cease the moment) That little tinkle you’ve been hearing on the other end of the phone isn’t the tap, (a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!)
We all get the same food !! The same dinner for everyone, so why do you guys just want the food that’s on my plate? We can even swap plates . I,ll eat from the plastic peppa pig plate, I don’t care as long as I get my dinner all to myself. I don’t want to see your small chubby hands swiping the chicken I’ve saved for last “eat your own fecking chicken” you just said you were full! Think of me as joey from friends “MAMMY DOESNT SHARE FOOD”
When I sit down with a hot cup of tea, why is the hot tea area suddenly the play area? Its like a moth to a flame! For one day PLEASE stop hovering around my tea!!!
Put the god dam lego away.. it hurts when we stand on it!
And make it liquid (no need to look at the quality, the percent is key, 12 or above)
So don’t be giving me too much alone time. True, you’re a pack of hyenas – but you’re my hyenas! I’d only miss you, so don’t go locking me in the bathroom for the day.
A homemade card a big squishy hug and kiss. That’s it (with all of the above.)
The perfect mother’s day
Not asking for much …