What Not To Say To A SAHM

I am a stay at home mom, and I have been one for the past eight years. In my life BC (before children), I worked as a journalist for many years. Writing has always been a part of my life and that didn’t change when I had a family. But the difference was the only person (up to recently) who read what I wrote was me. Nobody was paying me to write, I simply wrote to stay sane.

I wrote to remember that I could do something that had nothing to do with kids.

It’s only now that my children are eight, five and three, that I am dipping my toes into the adult world, pushing myself to write more, taking a little more time for me. Going back to work would have cost us more money, with any money I earned going on childcare. So my husband and I made the decision that I would stay at home while the kids are small, and focus on my career when they are older and I have more time to think.

Or try to write whenever I can in the hope that someone somewhere might one day pay me to rant about different topics.

Did I make the right decision? Yes, I’m glad I am here for my children, and I know I will look back in time to come and be happy I was there for them. I can pick them up after school and I am fully immersed in their day-to-day lives, but it has been a struggle.

If you are ambitious and there are certain things you want to achieve, it can be hard to put yourself last constantly.

It’s hard when you see moms who somehow manage to have a career and be amazing moms. How do they do that? When you have a brain that has been neglected, being at home with kids can be very hard. So when you are having a bad day and somebody says something flippant, those words on the wrong day can push someone over the edge. For me the one comment that has given me the most rage is when you tell people you are at home with the kids and they say;

“So are you just a mom?” With emphasis on the word ‘JUST’.

This has got to be the most irritating thing that has ever been said to me. It gives me instant rage. My blood starts pumping as if I have just run a marathon and I instantly imagine punching the person in the face. JUST a mom?!?!? Are you fucking serious? Are you JUST an accountant? Like that is all you do all day, you wake up, put on a suit and go and look at numbers all day long. Is that ALL you do?

What makes your job more relevant than mine?

The fact that you have a boss who tells you what to do, the fact that you have deadlines to meet? Does that make you more relevant than me in the world? Sorry about my anger but this ‘just’ a mom business does my head in.

We are multi-tasking to such an extreme level that our heart is pounding in our chest most of the time. We try to manage keeping more than one small human being alive whilst channeling our UN peacekeeping skills in order to put out fires all over the place; to attend after school activities trying not to look like we are one hug away from bursting into tears.

So please, I beg of you – do not under any circumstances ever say to someone; “So are you just a mom?”