There has been a long running debate in our society about whether it’s acceptable to forgo wearing your wedding ring. Whether it’s one of those traditions that no longer holds the same sense of purpose, or if the importance of what a wedding ring means has lost its initial recognition. There are plenty of men and women who no longer see the necessity of flashing a ring on their wedding finger. But why? Why has it become a thing to not wear a ring after your wedding day? And why does it kill me if my husband ever accidentally, and it always is accidentally, forgets to wear his ring?
Do you wear your wedding ring everyday? Do you forget it on occasion as you run out the door with two kids and a shopping list as long as your arm? Is it a prerequisite for you to show the world that you’re married? To each their own I say. For me, my wedding ring is as important as wearing shoes when I head out our front door.
In the ten years we’ve been married, I have forgotten my wedding rings twice. B on the other hand, has run out the door, blind to the glare I leave behind him as I realise he has forgotten his ring and he fails to notice the blank spot on his finger. To this day, for some reason, it actually bothers me that B is not overly concerned with the fact that his ring has been left at home as he goes to work for a full day, or hops off to the barbers and a bit of shopping on a Saturday morning. The main reason being that, as old-fashioned as this is going to make me sound, when he’s at work or out and about without his ring and, almost more importantly, minus his wife clutching his hand, I believe the world is watching and targets him as a man available about town.
Now, I know that the lack of or even the visible proof of a ring has no consequence on our marriage or on how much B loves me and is devoted me. It is a simple quickening of the heart that his ring has been forgotten and that looped hold I have on him has slipped. When he forgets his ring, has he forgotten me or that he’s married? What a stupid question I hear you say, but it’s something that pops into my head momentarily as I see his ring sitting in front of me without its owner.
I’m not saying that the ring I gave him on our wedding day ten years, is a lock and key and protects me from him straying or anyone ignoring the ring and attempting to manoeuver him away from him. Perhaps, and this is more than likely due to me being an avid ring wearer, it’s because, I wear my ring as a symbol of pride. Proud to say I’m married. My wedding rings are not meant as a deterrent to others. I don’t wear them as a way to say Back off pal. I’m taken. But more to show the world that I’m dedicated and proud to be married to this one specific man who gave me this ring all those years ago.
B has gotten into the habit of taking his ring off as soon as we get home from work. He actually wears three rings, one being a metal ring with a carved image. It can be sharp and for that reason he takes it and his wedding ring off as soon as we get home to avoid hurting A. I’ve also gotten into the habit of taking my wedding rings off as soon as we get home because my engagement ring can be slightly cutting if I’m not careful. The difference is that if we were to have guests at home, I will always wear my rings again. B on the other hand does not wear his wedding ring at home regardless of visitors. Again, for me it’s a symbol to friends and family, that I’m proud to wear my rings and proud to show that I’m married to this man. And yes, there are times when I don’t wear my rings. I don’t wear them when washing dishes, washing my hands, baking, and especially playing with play doh. I don’t wear them going to bed or in the shower.
My attitude probably comes across as being fairly 1940’s but I’m not going to change. And for that matter, B is not going to change either. And again, to each their own. B doesn’t feel the pang of guilt or panic I would feel if I forgot my rings. He doesn’t feel the same necessity as I do to ensure the world knows how proud I am to be married. In saying that, I know he is proud to be married to me, but forgetting his ring on occasion does not diminish that pride for him.
Obviously not wearing your wedding ring doesn’t make you any less married. It’s the unknown and perhaps my own insecurity that strangles me when I realise B has headed out without his ring.
In the end, I’ve realised, the reason I want B to wear his ring is not so that the world knows he’s married but more that by him wearing his ring I know that he is proud to be married to me. Proud to show the world that he is my husband and no one else’s. For me, this is what the wedding ring symbolises. And that is the reason I will always wear mine.
First published on http://www.overheavenshill.com/ and reproduced with permission.