Why Have I Turned Into A Technophobe?

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I am not sure if it’s a sign that I am getting old, or it is maybe because I don’t work outside the home? The thing is I have self-diagnosed myself, I have a condition called Technophobia. This is the fear or dislike of advanced technology or complex devices. I’m okay with my computer because I use it every day. My phone, well still finding out things there!

Although there are numerous interpretations of technophobia, they seem to become more complex as technology continues to evolve. You see it’s the evolving part that’s tripping me up.

Being at home the technical sides of things I usually leave to my husband or children. My excuse, ‘I have enough to be worrying about’. The truth I break into a cold sweat when something new comes into the house.

My worst nightmare consists of me at home with the kids and their Tablet’s, or Xbox won’t work. They look to me to fix the problem? Forget it.

‘Wait till Dad gets home’!

At present we are doing a bit of DIY at home which includes updating the cooker and fridge. Now, the old cooker and fridge where rubbish yes, but I could use them! I could switch them on without even thinking about it. I use to defrost my freezer with a hammer, no joke.

This new technology, I struggle to even switch on! They just keep beeping at me. For some reason my husband and children think this is hilarious! I for one do not.

I am in the middle of technology breakdown!

I do have the habit when I am cooking, leaving the fridge door open when I am setting up all my ingredients. Now after a few minutes the new fridge begins to taunt me. Beep, beep. I am looking around thinking what’s that noise? Is it the radio, or the TV? No, it’s the frigging fridge telling me to ‘Close the bloody door woman’!

This fridge also makes ice, wow how can people live without fresh ice on tap, me that’s who! It makes strange noises in the middle of the night, the ice drops into the thingy thing and frightens the life out of me.

‘This fridge is picking up and displaying all my bad habits’

The cooker; oh; sorry the induction cooker. I have no idea what the difference is. I picked a different one and himself ‘the techno god’ decided this one is would be better. Now this one doesn’t even have knobs on it! I have stood and stared at this cooker for a long time, trying to figure out how it switches on. While once again being mocked by the techno freaks that are the rest of my little family.

The first meal to be cooked was let’s say an interesting time. The air was blue, the emotions ran high, my emotions. They laughed. I would shout into the sitting room where they sat mocking me,

‘No dinner tonight cooker is broken, it is faulty’. Met with roars of laughter.

‘Now he has upgraded the television’ I am near to the edge now. Do you know how long it took me to learn how to use SKY and then SKY plus?? Now he is pushing me over the edge with a Chromecast and a thing called HDMI. All this extra technology equals another remote control. Seriously?

We now have Netflix yes that’s great, still can’t use it.

So, for now I will remain the clown of technology. I will continue to call my appliances names that can’t be repeated. Until one day I learn how to use them properly.

Louise O’Gorman
Louise O’Gorman
I am a stay at home Mum and part time writer of articles and short stories. I am a fiercely independent forty something who spends her days massaging the ego of three young children. Only so I can create genius’s so I can retire and live the high life. Married to my childhood sweetheart the foundation to most of my happiness, on a good day the kids fill the rest of the happiness jar.