She’s got a four year gaping hole on her CV and she’s got an interview – she can’t quite believe it. She’s forgotten how people who work dress. She runs off to buy a power-suit with maxi shoulder pads and realises work based fashion has shifted. Just being out of her onesie feels exhilarating.
Before she knows it she’s sat in front of an intimidating panel, her dusty resume in front of her, her knees are weak, arms are heavy, there’s every possibility that there’s vomit on her blouse already. The adult humans are asking complex, challenging questions and she’s beaming like a Cheshire cat, buzzing like a fridge, just to be out of the house.
How would you motivate your team?
I find raisins, a pink wafer and one hour of screen time helps. Failing that? An acoustic rendition of ‘wheels on the bus’.
What are your skills?
Multitasking, blocking out interruptions, counselling and supporting others. For example, I can finish a three course meal between wiping arses and explaining why Bing killed a butterfly and/or why the dog died in Topsy and Tim.
Are you ready to be a manager?
Honey, I’ve been managing shit for four years. I am the discipliner, negotiator, queen of threats. I will take your cuddly toy hostage. I’m the God Damn United Nations.
What will you bring to the workplace?
Enthusiasm. Sheer joy that I’m able to have hot coffee, uninterrupted lunch or toilet breaks without a small person asking me if I’m doing a poo poo and giving me a round of applause.
How good are you at problem solving?
My son was crying because his toast was in squares, not triangles. So I told him people weren’t allowed triangle toast on Wednesdays. (Mic Drop).
So give the post stay at home mum the job. Don’t underestimate her. She’s seen things, she’s dealt with things you can’t even imagine. She will value this job like no other. She is ready for any responsibility you throw at her. She is ready for a pay slip.
Give her the chance – and watch her soar!