30 Signs You're A Lazy Ass Mam (Like Me) - The M Word

30 Signs You’re A Lazy Ass Mam (Like Me)

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We’re all deadly, that’s a given. But if you’re anything like me sometimes, just sometimes the pre motherhood you comes out. The lazy you. And I for one won’t mind when  she shows her face now and again. We’re still friends. We just don’t get to see each other as often as I’d like. If you can’t remember what she looks like here are some steps to help you identify her:

1.You go to Pennys with every intention of hitting the kidswear but you end up coming out with two coats for yourself

2.Your children don’t recognise a church steeple but they can spot those golden arches a mile away

3.If they have chips they want to know where the toy is.

4.When leaving the house if someone has dirt on their clothes sure it’s grand they will be wearing a coat.

5.Your 3 year old can show his granny how to work a tablet.

6.When Monday morning rolls around trying to find socks can make you feel like you’re on the Crystal Maze. Sure a pair of my footie socks will do.

7.You drive the kids to school on the last day because you forgot to get the lollipop lady a present.

8.You ask your mam to collect them because you didn’t get the teacher a present.

9.When asked your children’s birthdays you panic…. You’ve gotten the dates wrong before.

10.You had an immunisation booklet… once. Who knows where that is?

11.You tell people you decided to start your child in school at 5 ½ because they weren’t ready but really you forgot to put their name down in time.

12.You drop in to your mother just before dinner just in case there is a chance of scabbing some nosh.

13.One of your child’s first words was Peppa.

14.You drive past a petrol station and your children ask why you’re not getting a coffee.

15.You frequently pass off plain pasta with a bit of grated cheese as ‘dinner’.

16.You didn’t get your children christened because of your strong beliefs but also the effort of it.

17. ‘You can put your hands up your sleeve’ because it’s easier than the hassle of finding gloves.

18. You cut your son’s hair yourself because you were too lazy to go to a barber and he ends up looking like a child from ‘Children of the Corn’.

19. You eat their Trick or Treat stuff- always.

20.They think that selections boxes only have buttons and fudge bars – where does the rest go?

21. None of those kiddie rides in the shopping centre ever work- EVER!

22.Yeah, lets have a cosy day i.e mammy sits on the couch.

23. You were late to collect your son from playschool because you were watching Dr. Phil. It was a repeat.

24.You didn’t shower today because you didn’t get up early. Sure put on a big cardie, grand.

25.We were late because mammy slept in not because you won’t hurry up.

26.All the ligas are gone because mammy decided to have some with a cup of tea last night. The yogurt ones are very good tbf.

27.You get mystery headaches just so you have an excuse to go for a sneaky nap.

28.Lets have breakfast in the car- yeah?!

29.You have seen Paw Patrol exactly 14.5 million times and you are still sketchy on the characters names.

30. Your family fear you’re dressing gown may be in fact stitched to your skin because its never off you.

Emma Doran
Emma Doran
Emma is a comedian living in Dublin with her partner Shane and their 3 children aged 13, 3 and 1. She a regular on the Irish comedy scene and has performed at some of the countries biggest venues like Vicar Street and The Olympia Theatre. She has supported Al Porter and Deirdre O' Kane. A regular on Republic of Telly, she has also appeared on Bridget and Eamon