Motherhood is life changing.
There is no getting away from it, once you become a mum, you won’t ever be quite the same again.
I was generally prepared for the changes it would bring to my body and I was armed and ready to deal with things like nappies, cots, onesies, sleepless nights and getting to grips with feeding.
But as I’ve found out, there is also a whole heap of other changes that happened as a result of becoming a mum that the books didn’t necessarily tell me about.
For example, somehow managing to carry a bale of briquettes in one hand and a toddler in the other, while I hold the keys in my mouth and stumble into the house like a pack-mule? Now, no problem!
Or how I now view every car in the parent and child space with the ultimate, cold war level of suspicion.
Yup, it’s all that and more on my top 7 list-
I think we can all admit that women are the leaders when it comes to multi-tasking, but ladies if you thought you were a good juggler before kids, just wait until you become a mammy! You will literally find yourself doing 20 things at once. I can remember in the early days, I had to send an urgent email so I fired up the laptop, kept his bottle in his mouth with one hand, while I typed with the other and used my foot to rock his bouncer so he’d stay calm.
If you were the sort of person who would dry heave at having to pick up after your dog or being handed a toddler with a full-on poo-nami situation, then relax because after you become a mum, poop won’t bother you in the slightest. I’m serious. The smell, getting in on your hands, clothes and even realising there’s some under your fingernails later in the day when you finally get to sit down for five minutes, will be water off a ducks back.
Forget boot camp, running after a spritely toddler all day is better than any bloody gym I have ever been to. I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve had to bend down to pick up my 2 tonne toddler and whoosh him in the air or carry him around like the Maharaja until he stops wailing. And by God it’s gold for you abs and bingo wings! Not to mention the amount of times I’ve to run up the stairs to get things for him and pick up toys off the floor. I’m not saying I’m ready for an Iron Man or anything, but I’m also manging to fit back into my old jeans, so to me that’s a result!
If like me, you used to be a bit of neat freak, then be prepared to have that attitude completely reversed. Before, I would have been out with the hoover every few, now I’m lucky if I get to do it once a week. The downstairs of the house is littered with Lego, wooden blocks, light up toys, teddies, bibs, musical books, balls, shapes, puzzles pieces, empty yoghurt pots, rusk crumbs, as well as God knows what else. But just keep telling yourself a messy house is a sign of a happy child and you’ll soon learn to embrace the madness.
As well as becoming fine with incredible levels of poop and wee, you’re going to soon become a black belt in grossness. Baby sick, drool, half eaten Liga smeared on your face, a dizzying level of super loud and hilarious farts, as well as possibly having to do things like suck snot out of your newborns nose or scrub poop out of onesies, will be a doddle.
Before kids, those quaint P&C carpark spaces probably weren’t even on your radar… unless you were one of those lowlifes who used to park in them without kids on board, in which case you are a complete git! In any case, those spaces are like manna from heaven. Not for their proximity to the front door you’ll soon understand. No, it’s for the extra space so you can actually open your car door fully and get your precious bundle in and out without having to become some kind of circus contortionist. Prepare to have your blood pressure hit the roof on a daily basis, when you see people with no kids in their car flagrantly parking in these spaces with aplomb!
This might be the most surprising thing about motherhood. We all know that we’re in for some sleepless nights when we become parents, but oddly you do sort of adjust to sleeping less! I know! It’s crazy and this is coming from a person who could literally sleep for Ireland. But once I became a parent my sleeping patterns became lighter, so that I would wake when I heard the baby crying and I also got used to less sleep in general… that said I would still kill for a duvet day!