Miscarriage and infertility are still taboo subjects, this needs to change
We lost a baby. I wasn’t very far gone when I miscarried, but it was still a baby to us. From the moment I first suspected I was pregnant I allowed my mind to wander. The baby would be born in January, a winter baby. I could just picture it already. A little family of our own finally. But then our hopes and dreams were taken away from us.
Miscarriages are so common. The statistics show that it happens 1 in 4 pregnancies. I wonder how many of my friends and family have suffered a loss and I just don’t know about it. I do know of some. There is a wave of light in October where people light candles remembering their loss. Some people do share on that day. I only found out about some losses by people sharing photos of candles on Facebook. It is going a little way towards getting people to talk about it but it’s not enough.
There have been some celebrities lately who have talked about their losses. I remember when Kathryn Thomas announced her pregnancy, she was so open about her previous losses. It was brilliant. We need more of that. She suffered two miscarriages over three years and said that the difficult journey left her defeated. She even appeared on the ‘Late Late Show’ to talk about it. She said that it’s still a taboo subject here and that’s why she wanted to share her story.
Infertility and difficulty conceiving are very common too. But they aren’t talked about enough either. It’s only now after we had our children that I’m talking about it. I’m sure some people are only finding out about it reading my blogs. I wish that I had talked about it sooner. Maybe it would have stopped the well-meaning questions like ‘when are you going to start filling the house?’ I know people didn’t mean any harm, but it was so hard having to answer those questions lightly while inside my heart was breaking.
I understand it’s hard to talk about it. I do know that. I didn’t talk about it much. I did all my talking about it at the time anonymously online. Though maybe I should have talked to some people in real life. The online forums helped but it would have been good to get it out in the open. The more people that talk about it, the easier it will be for others to share their experiences.
It took us two years to conceive our daughter. We had a miscarriage along the way after nearly a year and a half. But we are one of the lucky ones. We didn’t have to go through IVF. We didn’t end up even having to go to the fertility clinic that we had an appointment for. We conceived our second and third child with no difficulties. And we ended up with three beautiful children. So yes, we had it easier than some. But it certainly wasn’t easy at the time.
I know some that can’t conceive a much wanted second child even though they already have one. Don’t assume that because they have one, number two will just appear. It doesn’t always happen like that. They’ve had to give up on giving their child a sibling. They’ve had to give up on their dreams of their much wanted second child. And my heart breaks for them.
So, share your stories. Be more open. Each story shared will make it easier for the next person. We can stop this being a taboo subject one story at a time.