Living With... Boys - The M Word

Living With… Boys

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As a mother of two boys my house is overloaded with testosterone. Up until we welcomed our baby girl last year, I was the only female in our home. Even our bunny and cat are boys!

So for those who are about to embark on parenting boys and are wondering what it is like. For those who have a house of boys and need to know its normal…. here you are.

My hall is full of mucky runners and boots, that stink to high heaven. Their bedroom floors are a sea of undesired or dirty clothes. When asked to clean their rooms, the wash basket becomes overflowing in seconds. I have discovered my boys operate a ‘if it has touched my body, even for a second, it is dirty’ policy. There are never enough carbohydrates in the house (how much bread can one little person eat?)

The fighting. Oh the fighting. I have become so desensitised to it, I now step over them brawling on the kitchen floor as I grab the milk for a cup of tea. I find myself saying things like ‘are you bleeding? If not then you’re fine’. I mean who am I?

My boys just absolutely cannot be in the same room alone. Even for 30 seconds without the whining beginning. ‘He is making stupid faces at me. He sat there last time, it’s my turn on the ‘good seat’. I don’t want to watch this…’ you get the jist. If we do not intervene quickly it turns into fisty-cuffs.

What astounds me, is my husband tends to add to the problem. I regularly step over him as he is wrestling with the boys!

They are constantly dirty. Mucky faces and grass stained knees. I didn’t have brothers growing up, so this world is alien to me. Their need to be constantly physical and test their strength as the alpha male is amazing. I must ensure to get them out to ‘run some energy off’ or I will pay the price that evening for sure!

Now lets take a second. Just a brief moment, to speak about the toilet situation. I cannot tell you how many times I have staggered half asleep to the bathroom during the night and sat. Damn I forgot to check again. As pee covers my thighs. Ugh. Why can’t they lift the seat before they spray? Or wipe it off like they are asked to daily? It is never anyone by the way. Not one of them has ever admitted to doing it.

There is a phantom toilet seat pee’er coming into our home. Maybe one day we will catch him (I am saying him because only a man would do such a thing)

On the subject of toilets. Poo. It has become a word that enters most conversations. That and farts. Oh and butts. You’re a stinky poo head. Fart jokes. Look at my butt (wiggle wiggle wiggle.) It can be surprising how they are weaved into conversation at the most random times, but they appear none the less.

So it all sounds pretty awful doesn’t it? Why would anyone want to have a boy?

Well I will let you in on a secret. They are the most loving creatures I have ever encountered. They are snuggle bugs. Every evening they cuddle up to their dad or I on the sofa. They hop into bed with me for a cuddle and a chat. They are thoughtful and creative. My boys force me to get out and go to parks, or beaches – I most likely would just be sitting at home getting fat otherwise! They have made me a true ‘Irish Mammy’ who would walk across hot coals for my boys.

They bring joy, laughter and fun into ever single day. They have made my heart grow bigger than I ever imagined.

So worried how life will be living with boys? Don’t. Your house will never smell quite right again (an aroma of wet dog lingers no matter how many times you clean.) A house is just a house. Your boys will make it a home. Your life will be enriched with so much laughter and love, you will barely even notice the mess or smell anymore – almost!

Jen Crawford
Jen Crawford
Jen is Co-Owner of a national Doula agency, DoulaCare Ireland (www.doulacare.ie). She is a Birth & Postpartum Doula, Antenatal Educator, Breastfeeding Counsellor and Mindfulness in Pregnancy Instructor. Jen is Mam to Seth, Leon and Kayla, wife to Paul and lives in North Dublin with her family.