We recently found out that we are going to have a third child. Even now when I am writing that, it still doesn’t feel real, I think it’s still sinking in. Deciding we were going to try and have a third baby was a a colossal decision for us, we had a ridiculous amount of conversations where we debated every aspect of this choice before we decided it was right for us and our family.
We talked about me going through another pregnancy, the birth, the newborn stage, sleep deprivation, would the kids be jealous, finances and just having THREE kids – are we crazy we would be outnumbered! Travelling with three kids will be insane, the preparation the stress and we would need to get a new car – it seemed like a lot to get our head around.
But despite all of these challenges we settled on our decision by almost taking a look into the future. We both love the thought of a full house with our kids growing up together, being friends and supporting each other, once we looked at it like this the things we debated just didn’t seem important. I think we focused too much on the newborn phase of having a new baby because we know how tough it is, but on the flipside of that we also know it doesn’t last forever.
I realise that all sounds clear, straightforward and that we were completely comfortable with our decision but being fully honest, I have had my wobbles. A few times, when I have had a shit day with the kids, a day where they have played up continually or a day I have been struggling with morning sickness and the kids have been beyond demanding – I have thought ‘what have we done?’ or ‘can we really do this?’
I am sure it’s natural to have these feelings of ‘oh shit’ every now and then!
The moment you find out you are pregnant is overwhelming. The concept of peeing on a stick and waiting for two lines to appear to learn if you have created another life and that your life is going to change forever is an insane concept. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have or how many pregnancy tests you have taken in the past, those two lines appearing in front of your eyes is intense.
Obviously when trying to conceive you are paying extra attention to your cycle, but this time I had a feeling I was pregnant before it was possible to know for sure.
One day I got on the train to work, as I did every morning and sat down to do my make up. A lady sat across the table from me and I could see she had Tupperware in her bag, but I could REALLY smell what was inside and it was making me want to puke! It was a long train journey to work and I still looked dreadful even after my make up was applied, I felt tired and emotional and I put it down to the two glasses of wine I had the evening before. But the extremely sensitive sense of smell, fatigue and feeling I could explode into a fit of tears at any moment didn’t fade throughout the day. That’s when I knew there was a good chance I was pregnant and a test confirmed my suspicions a few days later!
So far this pregnancy has been nothing like the previous two, I have suffered very badly from morning sickness (or just constant all day sickness) and the tiredness has been off the charts. I have struggled to find any kind of food that I like – I have found myself aimlessly walking around the supermarket looking for inspiration only to find myself leaving with a loaf of bread and wretching in the car park. It’s been so bad that I have lost weight and took medication to help control it.
I will confess I have been ignorant when it comes to morning sickness in the past, when people have mentioned having it I have not been that sympathetic. Karma is a bitch because I now know first hand how bad it is and how incredibly debilitating it can be. It takes a lot of the joy away from the first trimester, it’s hard to feel happy about being pregnant when you are dealing with, what can only be described as a constant brutal hangover that nothing will fix.
I am happy that the nausea seems to have worn off a little now, I still have good days and bad days but it’s definitely better than it was. I am starting to feel more excited about the future for our growing family and hopefully I will have a better second trimester.
Time to break out those old maternity jeans for their last hurrah!