It’s happening again. Just go to sleep. I’m worn out. How can the day be so long and so short at the same time? Long enough that I feel like I need space from you guys. So short that the things I needed to get done were yet again not done.
Last night as I read a bedtime story through gritted teeth, I promised myself that tomorrow would be different. But here we are again. Another story told through gritted teeth. My patience for the day has run out. I’m on empty.
My plan for today was to laugh with you guys. Spend some time building Lego. Spend some time just being with you. Put some music on and dance around the kitchen. Be the fun mam you all love. There is no greater feeling than when I see your eyes sparkling with happiness because I am having fun with you guys. Living in the moment. Giddy heads all around.
Life just gets in the way sometimes. Work, homework, dinner, laundry, playdates, training… the list is endless. ‘In a minute’ seems to be my constant answer to your endless requests. Followed by ‘I don’t have ten bloody hands’ in my head.
Please know that even when I read your bedtime story through gritted teeth, I still love you. Even when I threaten to turn the lights off if you guys don’t go to sleep, I still love you. The minute I see you all asleep, getting bigger by the day, the fatigue and anger all fall away and the guilt steps in.
The day will come soon enough when I look for you to spend some time with. Drag out the toys all ready to set up. But you will have moved on. Playing with mam will not be considered the done thing. I will kick myself for wasting another day putting mundane tasks before playtime.
You will be children for such a short time. I don’t want to waste it x